"No more cigarettes I said. No more hard feeling for things not having the courage to do, for words not having the balls to speak out. Miserable, uncommunicative and aggressive. What the fuck is wrong with me? I tell myself stop and behave! But how? Have I lost my courage, my authenticity? With each day I indulge myself in my favorite state of mind....Loneliness. A new universe for me...a new way of seeing things and myself. From a young age loneliness was something I've never been bothered with, because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. Even though I used to be the perfect social chameleon. I have always had a talent to make myself liked...everywhere and every when and everyone and everybody. Being an authentic motherfucker scared people and made them appreciate me. I used to love to see their surprised faces. I fed from theirs fears of seeing my thirst of life and my desire to fell and express myself so outrageous. I write my emotions in this heavy air with the cigarette. I feel like I am drowning and reviving at the same time....therefore I am just gonna sit back, light up, and hope I don't chew the cigarette to pieces."
Muse: Irina Ludoseanu